Yosemite (Part 1) – My hopes and dreams
Photo taken at Tunnel View for sunrise on my first morning in Yosemite.
I wrote the blog below while headed to Yosemite two weeks ago. Although I had hoped to put in on this site while in Yosemite, I didn’t have the time. What you will read has not been substantively edited or changed since arriving there. I want you to read it exactly as I saw the trip before I experienced it. This is Part 1 in a series about how this trip has played a role in my journey of self-discovery . . .
By the time this post drops, I’ll be in Yosemite. But right now, I am on the way there as I sit on my cross-country flight to California. So, what is there to write about for a trip that has not yet happened? Just my hopes and dreams.
For starters, while I have outwardly shared my goal of someday climbing El Capitan, I’ve generally been quiet on this site about this first trip out there. I’ve been planning it since the beginning of this year, dreaming about it for some time longer, and training for it even longer than that. While Yosemite is a trip I would take no matter the circumstance, I booked this as my first big commitment toward El Cap. The hope is that this is the first of many trips out there.
Climbing El Cap is a long way away. My climbing is still improving – which is a good sign – but it has a way to go before I am ready for The Nose. Yosemite is a different style of climbing than anywhere I’ve climbed before. The level I’ve reached in climbing thus far is on my home turf, but I have no idea what level I’m at on the cracks and slabs of Yosemite. The enormity of it all requires patience, but the process of getting there is the dream.
As I head there now, I feel much anticipation for the unknown. This isn’t only a climbing trip, as I am also going on the most ambitious hike I’ve ever attempted. No, not Half Dome. That will have to wait, and it will be there when I come back. This is a nighttime hike to the summit of Clouds Rest for sunrise. I’m doing it alone, and I have no idea how many others, if any, will be on the trail that early. If all goes according to plan, I’m waking up at midnight and starting the hike just after 2 AM to catch the sunrise from the summit at 5:52 AM. I’ve got a headlamp, flashlight, food, hydration, layers, hand warmers, gloves, a whistle, and a satellite communication device. When I started planning this hike, it was the part of the trip that scared me the most. I obsessed over the research I did. I spoke with experts and others who have done it. All were encouraging. Months later, I’m not scared anymore. Now I am as excited for this as I am for the climbing. Still, I hope I’m as ready as I believe I am.
But let’s get back to the climbing, as that’s where most of the anticipation for the unknown lies. It lies in not knowing how my body will feel from four long climbing days – with the hike packed in between some of them. It lies in the whether I can handle the big wall lesson I will take. And let’s face it . . . it lies in the wonder of how I will feel when I first lay eyes on El Capitan. Will it inspire me, or might it scare me away? Never before have I looked at anything that is three times the size of the Empire State Building with the intention of climbing it someday. The hope is that it remains my dream.
I planned this trip with the mindset of accomplishing more than just adventure. I may be going alone, but I have put effort into forming an itinerary where I experience the climbing culture in Yosemite. I have time set aside for hanging out at Camp 4 – the epicenter of climbing culture in Yosemite. It is where climbers of all levels gather. Some meet strangers to climb with. That’s not on my agenda for this trip, as I am climbing with a guide while out there. But learning that culture and meeting fellow climbers is my hope.
Until now, this trip has been a dream, but each second of this flight brings it closer to reality. Yet that reality is still entirely unknown. There’s a part of me that is reluctant to even let this post drop. But I know that comes only from a place that fears having to share any disappointment or shattered dreams. I don’t expect it to happen, but I know it could. And I’m not afraid of it. In fact, right now I’m proud simply of the fact that I am giving this dream a shot. In many ways, it feels like the first time I went running with the dream of finishing the New York City Marathon someday. That journey has been lengthy with many twists and turns, and it is not over. There were moments where it seemed I’d never do it. Then there were moments where it was just days away – until it wasn’t. But it went from the impossible to something that is real in my life. All I have left is to cross the finish line this November, and I have all the confidence in the world that I will. My hope for this trip is that it is a step towards reaching that same confidence in climbing. My dream is to reflect on it from the summit of El Cap someday.
Aaron