Why my journey has not felt blog-worthy lately . . .
Photo generated with the assistance of AI
People have asked me more than a few times lately if they missed a recent blog. I assured them they did not. Even without the questions, I’m aware that I haven’t been able to find the right way to share my recent journey. Sometimes things are way more crystalized. Other times they’re not. Which made me wonder why that is. The answer lies somewhere in the vulnerability I feel.
When I first decided to launch Legally Fit, I did so after thoughtfully determining that I was willing to be vulnerable. This blog is about the story of my journey, and even though it is based largely on the success I was able to achieve, the real story is rooted in some of my weakest and most insecure days. It would be hollow and misleading to share what I accomplished without digging into those moments. Still, the end result made them easier to share. And all the recent thrills of my journey have felt like a celebration of the life I achieved. I’ve loved every bit of letting you in to my life as a lawyer who lives like an athlete – and an adventurous one.
Last year, I enjoyed every part of sharing my marathon journey. I was always aware something could go wrong, but even as I wrote about the heartbreak of my injury, I appreciated sharing my thoughts on having fallen short of the goal. It remains a target that I am confident I will reach – hopefully this November.
Still, my journey lately has been in a different phase. One that is not focused solely on the marathon and one where I am far less certain of the outcome. My dream of climbing El Capitan is real, but I’m not yet fit enough or skilled enough to do it.
A reminder of the early days . . .
Where I am today reminds me of where I was in the earlier days of my journey – when I hadn’t achieved anything yet, but I knew what I was working towards. It wouldn’t have felt blog-worthy to write about my desire to get fit before it happened, even though it might be the most blog-worthy topic of all. It wasn’t simply a desire; it was something I dedicated myself towards and made sacrifices for even as it all felt so fragile. I had no idea if I would succeed. Again, looking back, that’s what makes it so blog-worthy. I wish I could go back and truly share what was inside of me as I worked each day with the hope that it would lead to a body that could do so much more but also the uncertainty of whether that would happen. There were peaks and valleys throughout the process. It was never linear. And I never knew if or when I’d reach a point where I could go no further.
Well, if it is my desire to be able to share my mindset when the outcome is unknown, that’s where I am today. My mind is full of desire for what I want to accomplish. Yet, I am far away from achieving it. Right now, I feel as if I have no highlights to share.
The first thing I feel when it comes to my fitness is that I’m not where I want to be. Some of that is simply the mentality I always have – a healthy desire to always want to improve. But a large part of it comes from not feeling at my peak in most of what I do. Sure, I’m not supposed to be at my peak running form right now. I came off training for a marathon and the injury that happened near the end. I’m confidently building back up and ran the New York Half Marathon just two weeks ago. It was my slowest half marathon to date, and while I am completely fine with that, it was still my slowest half marathon. I can be both proud of it and humbled by it at the same time. And that’s where this feels like the early days of my journey.
I’m also not as strong as I was at my peak. Particularly since I started marathon training last year, I had neglected strength training – or at least de-prioritized it. That not only hurt me by potentially leading to my injury, but it left me reduced of some muscle mass I had built up earlier in my journey. I’ve declined in my ability to do pullups and in the amount of weight I can lift. That said, since marathon training ended – even as my hamstring was freshly torn – I renewed my focus on getting stronger. When I started back at this, I had to begin with band-assisted pullups which was humbling. I started with deadlifts at 185 lbs. – another dose of humility – given I used to lift so much more. And I entered this process not wanting to get to the level I was at before but rather knowing I need to go far beyond it for what I want to achieve. That too is where this feels like the early days of my journey.
I’ve also gained weight. Let me be clear – it’s ok to gain weight, and it’s not ok to use weight as the sole measurement of health and fitness. But I am human. Putting on my pants and noticing that they are suddenly tighter than before brings back past insecurities. I’ve been lucky to not have had that feeling in over a decade. I never set weight goals, but I became used to seeing the numbers go down on the scale. When it stopped, I was more than satisfied with where I landed. I even recognized that I may have lost too much, and I didn’t mind the first few pounds I put on. But after marathon training, the trend upward increased. Part of it is muscle, but plenty of it isn’t. I know this because I measure my body composition, and while I’ve put on approximately 10 lbs. of muscle since training ended, I’ve also added about 6 lbs. of fat. That’s not the trend I hope for in my body fat percentage. Many factors contribute to it from diet to total calories burned, but it’s humbling. And once again, that’s where this feels like the early days of my journey.
Living like an athlete . . .
What makes this all blog-worthy – even though it doesn’t feel like it – is what I am doing about it. As I say, “live like an athlete because you are one!” That’s the mindset with which I am approaching this goal. No athlete remains at his or her peak forever. There are highs and lows throughout every life of fitness. But the core is about a constant mindset to get better – even when we get worse. I show up every day that I can – or at least every day that I should. Here’s a little bit about how I do it which is much like the way I did it before.
First, I’ve set up a plan that works on all areas in which I want to improve. Right now that is running, climbing, and strength. I know that each day focusing on one of those areas might be a day in which I neglected the others, so I strive to balance all of it throughout the week. More on that below.
Second, I know that all of this can blow up if I get hurt. I don’t fear getting injured – and that is sometimes my problem. The more I feel I am at my best, the more invincible I feel. That’s when I am at my most dangerous. So, I force myself to rest more than I have before. Long gone are the days where I can work out every day for weeks or even months. Much of my routine is harder on the body than it was before – not because of age or decline (although that’s bound to happen) but because even though I feel in decline, I know I really am not. My workouts are longer and harder. Take my running routine as an example. Through the end of March, I’ve run 139.4 miles so far this year. A year ago, at the same time, I had run 87.6 miles. I’ve also done about twice as much strength training as I had a year ago, and I keep adding weight and working out at a level that gets me sore most of the time. It is exactly the level of sore I should feel, but it requires rest and recovery.
Finally, with all of that in mind – the need to tackle it all and the need to rest – I laid out a schedule for each week. Not one that is so rigid that forces my body to do what it’s not up to on a given day, but one that is flexible and adjusts as the week goes on. Like this . . .
It starts with an ideal week that has options for each day:
Monday: upper body strength, climb, or rest
Tuesday: leg strength (or run)
Wednesday: strength, climb, or rest
Thursday: run (or leg strength)
Friday: strength or climb
Saturday: run
Sunday: climb
Besides the fact that each day already has options, none of what’s in the plan is set in stone. As each day goes by, the workout or rest that I log determines how the rest of the week might look. Take my week last week when I rested on Monday and then decided to do a morning of endurance climbing on Tuesday instead of the leg strength training or run that was scheduled. Here’s how the plan adjusted by mid-week . . .
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Climb (40 min)
Wednesday: leg strength or run
Thursday: run or leg strength
Friday: strength, climb, or rest
Saturday: run
Sunday: climb
On Wednesday, I decided it would be a run day which meant Thursday was for leg strength training – unless I needed rest. I didn’t, so that’s how it went. Then my body needed the rest on Friday. Here’s how the full week ended up playing out . . .
Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Climb (40 min)
Wednesday: Run (30 min)
Thursday: Leg strength (50 min)
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Upper body strength (1 hr, 20 min)
Sunday: Climb (1 hr, 30 min) and Run (45 min)
In the end, I got in two climbing days, two strength days, two run days, and two rest days. There are no highlights here other than what may be the most highlight-worthy thing of all – showing up. The rest days were still spent in the gym getting in stretching, sauna, and ice bath for recovery. There were other days I still felt mentally tired, but I was physically able to show up – and I did, as this Instagram post shows . . .
What makes this journey blog-worthy is what always has . . .
I posted that Instagram not because the workout was anything special. In fact, it felt far from it. I’ve lifted heavier weights in the past, and my pull-ups need work. But I can do them now when I couldn’t just weeks before. I’m working on what I need to. What’s special about the Instagram post to me is that it’s not what you normally see on social media. I watch it and see myself trying to get somewhere I am not right now — a sharp contrast to what we see in so many posts of people showing that they can do what others cannot. That’s what Legally Fit is all about.
The part of the journey that usually doesn’t make it to social media – the part where we feel inferior and insecure but still show up – is what I think needs more attention. As I said, it doesn’t feel blog-worthy, but it’s the most blog-worthy thing of all.
Few ever noticed the hard work I put into getting fit in the early years. It’s hard to spot the changes on the outside when there was so much to work on. The work that it took involved turning around a locomotive that was headed in the wrong direction. I could see the changes in the mirror when no one else could see them yet. And I knew that it took doing the stuff that was not fun – just like I am doing now.
I’d have given anything in the early days of my journey to be where I am right now. I don’t think I could have comprehended that what I do now is not blog-worthy, and I feel somewhat ungrateful for even saying I feel that way. It’s about perspective, and we all face moments like this in our journeys when we can step back and appreciate who we are no matter where we it is in the journey. Only then can we truly look ahead and want more.
Overall, I love living a fit life. I love it because I know that the rewards are worth the struggle. They are worth it in the moment when I can do things I’ve never been able to do before. They are worth it for what I hope to be able to do as I get older. But there’s no denying that this requires struggle. It requires facing my own limitations and the reality of I want to be able to do versus what my body currently allows.
This time, I have a stronger foundation than I had in my early days. I have experience in succeeding at things that seemed impossible. I have a tremendous base of knowledge in fitness. And I have a team to help get me to where I want to be. But I still must do many things I’ve never done before. Things that will take time, effort, and skill. I haven’t been blogging lately because that’s what I’ve been spending time doing, and while I am improving, it happens slowly.
Once more, I’m at a point where only I can look in the mirror and know that changes are happening. Quite frankly, that part feels better than when others take notice. It is a personal moment that gives me hope. But again, it is also at that point where I have no idea if it will peak before I want it to. I know where I want this to end, but I cannot say whether I will get there. Right now, much like the early days of my journey, I feel vulnerable. That’s why I haven’t been blogging. But also like those early days, I am determined, and that’s why this is as blog-worthy as anything I do.
Aaron