Social connection and my “Third Place”
Some of my Third Places discussed in this post: The Gunks, Remedy Place, My climbing gym, and Central Park.
When we discuss the keys to our success whether in work, life, or fitness, we often mention concepts like hard work, dedication, and commitment. No doubt each of those is at the top of the list, but one factor that is equally valuable yet often overlooked is social connection. In each aspect of life, the relationships we make can play a big role in our success.
In an earlier post, I wrote, “Let go of people who don’t help you grow.” Though it may seem so, that post was not about abandoning relationships, but rather about creating space in our lives to develop the right ones. The benefits for work are obvious. Mentoring, teaching, and promotion are all areas that stem from social connections. The benefits in life are probably even more apparent. Social connections bring us friendship, love, support, and fun. But when it comes to physical wellbeing, perhaps the need for social connections is a bit less clear. While much of my fitness journey has come from a dedication to spending countless hours isolated while lifting weights, running, swimming, or doing numerous other activities to improve my strength and overall health, I could not have achieved half of what I have done without my fitness community.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the one thing that ever has.”
Margaret Mead, a cultural anthropologist, once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the one thing that ever has.” That’s true for the world at large, and it is just as true for my world. If you have been following Legally Fit, you know that my trainer, Paul, saved my life. But Paul was not by any means the only thoughtful and committed soul with whom I’ve surrounded myself during this journey.
As I got into fitness, I routinely looked to connect with friends, colleagues, or professionals for their advice, inspiration, and expertise. As a result, I can pretty much say that everything I do is based on something I learned from someone else or watched someone else do. But just as important as how I did it is, where I do it.
I rock climb, not just because I decided to try it one day, but because I chose it as an excursion on an Alaska cruise with others who gave me the courage to get up on the rock. I run because of all those I’ve seen doing the same in Central Park and I wanted to be part of that group. I sauna and cold plunge because a close friend and fitness mentor introduced me to Remedy Place, a social wellness club where I go not just for contrast therapy but also for the comfort of a space that I share in common with other like-minded individuals. Without these connections, I’m not sure it would have even been possible for me to reach the destinations I’ve achieved thus far. And I am certain that most of them would not have happened as fast as they did.
There’s a common thread in each of these social connections. They all occur in what can be described as one of my “Third Places.” The term was coined by urban sociologist, Ray Oldenberg, who wrote about the concept of the informal and familiar public gathering place – away from home or work – where people of all backgrounds can go and connect over shared interests. In many ways, these are the places where small, thoughtful groups of citizens meet and form the bonds that can change the world – on any level, be it large or small.
Each of my Third Places, and those with whom I gather at them, have changed my world. They not only provide me with a happy place to go outside of home (our “First Place”) or work (our “Second Place”), but they give me community and a sense of purpose.
Here, I’ve discussed some of my Third Places, but there are countless others to choose from. Not all are fitness related, but whether a gym, coffee shop, pub, or just hanging out on the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, they can all provide us with a sense of wellbeing from the social connections we form.
I previously shared the story of a talk that Peloton instructor, Adrian Williams gave at a lululemon Member’s Weekend I attended last year. He said, “invite people in who may not look like they belong.” This embodies the definition of a Third Place. It should be a place that is welcoming and does not discriminate based on ethnicity, race, wealth, or any other status. Yes, some Third Places, such as gyms or Remedy Place, cost money, while others like parks and nature do not. But regardless of where one chooses to go, no one is either more or less special than anyone else there.
At lululemon Member’s Weekend with Adrian Williams, who delivered this inspirational message . . . “Invite people in [to fitness] who may not look like they belong.”
Sure, hearing Adrian’s words made me proud that I was one of those who now looked like I belong, but more than that, it made me grateful for those who invited me in when I didn’t look or feel like I should be there. At the end of the day, fitness and wellbeing, like anything in life is a community thing. And just like any other, when we find that place where we form those special bonds and common dedication, it is one that can change the world of any individual or even the world at large.
Aaron